Always on the lookout for anything that might make life for my far-right friends more bearable, I came across this wonderful online advertisement. It begins with this teaser: "Imagine What Your Life Would Be Like Without Homophobia, Fear of Sameness, Fear of Monotony, Fear of Homosexuality, and Fear of Becoming Homosexual." Hmmm, tell me more.
Trusted, Effective Treatment for HomophobiaOur board-certified team specializes in helping individuals overcome fears, phobias & anxiety of all kinds, and is particularly focused on problems such as Homophobia. With a success rate close to 100% we offer a lifetime guarantee to our clients.
Wow, 100% success rate! Can I order gift sets trimmed with 'Merry Christmas' to send to some, er... friends, in Colorado Springs?
To add insult to an already distressing condition, most homophobia therapies take months or years and sometimes even require the patient to be exposed repeatedly to their fear. We believe that not only is this totally unnecessary, it will often make the condition worse. And it is particularly cruel as homophobia can be eliminated with the right methods and just 24 hours of commitment by the phobic individual.
The ad promises to "train your mind to feel completely different about sameness, monotony, homosexuality, or becoming homosexual, eliminating the fear so it never haunts you again." But more importantly, "homophobia will likely cost you tens, even hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of your lifetime, let alone the cost to your health and quality of life. Now Homophobia can be gone for less than the price of a round-trip airline ticket."
They really want business: "We have never met a case of Homophobia that could not be overcome using these methods. So please, whether or not you decide to work with us, make a decision to get over Homophobia now."
The perfect Christmas present for the hard-to-shop-for homophobe in your life!
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